Expressions of Love

Here at The Write Way Café, love (or romance) has been a big part of our blog.  In honor of Valentine's Day, we would like to share some of our thoughts on how love makes our world go 'round. We're also giving away a $25 Amazon gift card, so be sure to respond to our question for a chance to win!

One of my favorite movies, Love Actually, begins with Hugh Grant narrating, and he says, “Love, actually, is all around.” I believe that. I like that outlook. I think in life and in fiction, love is expressed in a myriad of ways and we don’t always see it or feel it, or know how best to express it. But it’s still there.

One way my husband and I express sentiment is by writing to each other. We’ve been married for many years and the practice of writing each other began early in our relationship. When we first met, we lived hundreds of miles apart, but we got to know each other well through phone calls and letters. Yes, hand-written letters sent via the post office. We’d both come out of divorces and were equally determined to be ourselves in this new relationship. Letter writing gave us space to gain a sense of trust.

After we married and blended a family of five children, life was hectic and at times chaotic. Alone time with each other was hard to come by and our struggles with some people gave us a rich environment to develop our relationship skills. Sometimes I would write him a note in the night and leave it for him to see in the morning on his dresser.

This is a sort of a free-verse note I wrote after one challenging time and left it for him to read before he went to work.

Why do I pack your lunch every day and try to make it varied, sometimes with special treats?
Why do I plan meals that are what you like, do your laundry, clean the bathrooms, bake a pie?
Not, I assure you, for the simple pleasure of doing those tasks. So don’t ask me if I still love you.
For my every day, in every way, I express my love to you.

It was and is natural for me to write down on paper my feelings and it was not so easy for my husband. But he wrote to me anyway, making his notes even more meaningful to me. This note was tucked into a birthday card one year.

Lynn,
I just wanted to thank you for being in my life!! When you and the boys joined me and the girls, my life became complete. You filled me with love, happiness, movement, and so much fun. Thank you so much. I love you and always will.

Throughout our life together, moments came up that were fun and full of love and laughter. But there were also moments, over and over again, of assessing if we’d made the right decision in bringing our families together and once again, choosing each other. Because of the baggage from our past relationships, the notes Mike wrote me touched me deeply with his unconditional love. This note is one he wrote for an anniversary.

I know that you have heard, love makes the world go round.
The love you have shown me in so many different things and in so many ways sure makes my world go round. P.S. I love you.

Of course the pain of the past healed and the chaos that had surrounded us lessened and time and again as my husband and I centered our lives on the amazing love in our family. It was from that love I wrote this verse.

My love is a man,
A gentle, rolling laugh that draws me in,
Filling my heart with a song we share.
Let me come to him,
Put my head against his warm chest and breathe in his scent.
I would open my heart to let my love enter him,
To comfort him and ground him in the timeless
But ever new breath of us.

When writing a romance, I seek words that will do true love justice and provide a visceral experience for readers. Even though we all experience and express love uniquely, common themes of needing to belong, to feel cherished, and to engage are a part of each love story, real or fiction. The fundamental need for true intimacy is realized through self-expression and no holding back. I hope readers see that in my stories. I’m grateful my husband and I have developed it in our relationship.

- Lynn Crandall


I have to agree with Lynn: In life and in fiction, love is expressed in a myriad of ways and we don’t always see it or feel it, or know how best to express it. But it IS still there.

My husband prides himself on being off the grid: no cell phone, no email – he is not an electronics fan! And when it comes to love, I would say he’s off the grid, too. He’s not big on PDA’s, or what he calls “Hallmark” holidays like Valentine’s Day. He believes he should show his love every day, not just on designated days.

I should have known love with him would be different. Our early discussions of marriage were frustrating. Both of us had parents who had divorced and remarried. While I still believed in marriage, I’m not sure he did. If I really loved him like I said I did, he argued, why did that little piece of paper matter?

After two years of dating, I was starting to feel my clock ticking. I took my future in my hands and told him “that little piece of paper” was important to me, and if he didn’t want the same things, then maybe it was time for me to move on. And mercy me, what was I thinking? I gave him an ultimatum: if I didn’t have a commitment by the end of the year, I was moving out. Moving on. Lucky for me, that didn’t scare him off, but independent fellow that he is, he did wait until December to propose!

Over the years, he has remained true to his beliefs. He is always showing his love in little ways. He mows my mom’s yard so she doesn’t have to pay someone to do it. He loves to cook, and does most of the house-cleaning. (Yes, I am VERY spoiled!) We spend as much time as possible out in nature, hiking trails where he patiently waits while I take too many photographs.

Store-bought roses are reserved for our anniversary, but I often find other flowers on my dining room table, on the kitchen windowsill, or maybe even in my vehicle when I leave for work: violets, wildflowers, or roses from our yard. On starry nights, he sets up reclining lawn chairs side by side, and we cuddle under a blanket, picking out constellations and watching for falling stars.

Sometimes I find heart-shaped love notes posted in unusual places: on my bathroom mirror, or on the landline phone on my bedside table. Other times I find foam hearts lovingly arranged on my steering wheel. Store-bought cards are rarely seen. Instead, I have a wonderful assortment of playing cards marked with his words of love.

Twenty-eight years later, he continues to surprise me. After a particularly rough day recently, I was on the phone with my mom. He came into the room, gesturing at his eye and making hugging motions with his arms. I thought he was just trying to make me laugh. A few minutes later, he came back in with a long piece of wadded up brown kraft paper. He gestured at his eye again, made hugging motions, and then held up the long piece of paper in a giant U. I. Love. You. How can I not love that man? It’s the little things that make me feel special.

When writing romance, I try to imbue my characters with unique perspectives, not just in love but in their everyday lives. Their words and actions are extensions of their own life experiences, just as ours are. As Lynn says, whether real life or fiction, people share common themes of needing to belong, to feel cherished, and to engage with others.

If your Valentine’s Day is not what you expected, or maybe not what you wanted, try to take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Remember: It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. – Henry David Thoreau

- HiDee Ekstrom w/a Lainee Cole

For a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card, tell us your stories of how you express and experience love, not just for Valentine’s Day but any day of the year.  Be sure to include your email – or check the comments on this post on Monday February 18th to see if you’ve won!

Happy Valentine's Day!