Never Give Up? by @lcrandallwriter

In the heart of an author there are words.

These words string together to make sentences, then paragraphs. These words find homes in poetry, songs, scripts, short stories, and books. Writers long for their words to go into the world for others to read and think about, and maybe be changed by the words.

Recently I’ve heard a lot about writers struggling to find an audience or even minimal attention for their writing, and it’s discouraging. Writers are talking about giving up. It makes me sad, but I understand. Things have changed in publishing and it can feel like it’s just an up-hill battle stacked against us to see our writing flourish commercially.

I have danced the dance of giving up or not giving up writing many times. I posted a graphic on Instagram not very long ago stating I was done with asking myself that question. I concluded, I write, no more questioning. But still, like many writers these days, I looked at my writing career

recently and questioned if I should continue or let it go. So it was delightful to see what Facebook offered me yesterday. It was a Memory post of four years ago. It’s the graphic at the top of this page. It was delightful because it was from a moment when I vowed I would not give up on my writing or my life and settle. For me, writing has been a tool of self discovery. They have gone hand in hand. So I have taken satisfaction in that pairing to grow and thrive in life. Four years ago my books were being released regularly and I still questioned things: were they good enough; did I have what it took to promo successfully; and could I keep writing with self-doubt hounding me? As I then vowed to persevere and never give up, I favored sayings that bolstered my determination. A real writer can’t quit. Follow your heart. Believe in yourself and make your dreams come true, essentially themes on "Never give up."

Now days, I see changes in the publishing world and notice the numbers of authors fearing they have no choice but to quit. It’s expensive to support an indie publishing career and it can be exhausting. I respect those who decide to stop because it’s not working out as they dreamed. Why not put energy and heart into something new? It’s a choice with no shame or regret if it’s made consciously, I feel. And what I believe about my writing choices isn’t a statement about any other writers’ decision.

For me, it’s not at all easy to ignore a passion for words. So though contemplation of quitting happens, it’s not a serious thought. I have decided to refocus, but not to change fields, just to open up to changes and use them to adapt. Writing is a passion but it’s also a business. I have decided that instead of insisting my outcomes must be the things I have always wanted with writing, I am looking at new ways that make me relevant. I’m asking questions with an open mind about how I can promote work when sales are low and I don’t want to go in debt, and considering newer platforms I have ignored because of my insistence on having what I’ve always wanted. I don’t know how it’s all going to work out, but I do know I’m not done with writing.

I don’t believe in giving up writing. No, I am going to write, knowing that at a point in the future I’ll cut back or stop. But it will be because the timing is right and I’ll make that choice with no regrets or books left unwritten in my heart.

Are you a writer struggling with your writing career? What are you doing to achieve your goals or make a decision that is best for you. Share?

What Now? Life, Decisions, and Randomness

Frequently I yell out, “Crystal ball now!”

I stole that demand from Doug Heffernan, of the television show King of Queens, who yelled it in a moment he needed instant knowledge so he could make the right decision.

Like Doug, I face decisions all the time that seem so important to get right. Big and small decisions that for me carry weight. I’m a pretty serious person and I see in my mind’s eye implications of decisions, unintended consequences. I mainly want to avoid unhappy, uncomfortable, possible wrong decisions that take me down a path I didn’t expect. For instance, a conversation between my husband and me about dinner:

Him – Wanna take a bike ride before dinner? Get some exercise in?

Me – It’s 4 o’clock.

Him – I know.

Me – It would have to be short because I have to be here to make dinner.

Him -- I know. We could eat late.

Me – No, ‘cause then we won’t be able to get everything done we need to and be ready to sit down to watch our show.

Him – Maybe we could eat just sandwiches.

Me – Well, we could but then you won’t have enough deli meat for you to take a sandwich to work tomorrow.

Him – Okay, well, let’s not bike then.

Me – Okay.

For me, pushing back our schedule would mean stress. I don’t want stress. But what could be the unintended consequences of “our” decision to skip the bike ride (Yes, I know I am the one who shut down the bike ride)? For my husband, skipping exercise could lead to more arthritic knee pain. We’re both trying to lose weight, but we’ve chosen against an activity in favor of remaining couch potatoes.

Some decisions carry much weightier results. They are crystal-ball worthy choices. Should I go back to school and get a graduate degree even though my children are young and I would miss some of their childhood? Should we move to live closer to half our family when we retire, even though it means leaving all our friends and the other half of the family behind? Should I set aside my paying work to finish my present WIP when I don’t know if it will pay off? And on a daily basis I weigh whether or not I should set aside my writing and devote hours to social media and promotions.

I’ve been trying to be more open to spontaneity and to believe that something unexpected doesn’t necessarily mean something bad. If I can let go of control maybe I’ll find life gives me open doors I didn’t know about. In writing, that might mean though I struggle with self-doubt, if I pursue my goals, maybe an unexpected scene will flow onto the page or maybe an editor will suggest a spin-off series.

Life could be an adventure that includes happy and uncomfortable and sad and scary stuff. There are many philosophies and distractions we humans use to keep us going and staying hopeful and able to continue on in the face of the hard stuff. A popular one states, “Everything happens for a reason.” It comforts us when things don’t go as we’d planned or hoped. If an editor rejects my story, it’s because other opportunities are better. That’s the reason the editor rejected my story.

But I don’t prescribe to that thought. I think we make decisions, not knowing what will happen but we plan as best we can. Then we live with the consequences of our choices. We can use our insights, explore possibilities, but random is still a factor in our lives, whether we’re open or controlling. I’m thinking the concept of accepting what happens, processing it, and then using the good and the bad to inform my next decision is a powerful way to live. It acknowledges the feelings and ramifications of choices and asks, “Now what?” It’s what we do with what comes our way that matters.

What are some statements of life philosophies that you prescribe to?

Welcome to the New World

I relate to the predicament of Doug Heffernan in one of the scenes from an episode of The King of Queens sitcom. Doug is lost in the woods, but he comes across a bridge that will take him to civilization. Problem is it's a flimsy, swinging bridge over a deep gorge, and as he crosses he feels insecure. At one point when it seems like the bridge may break, he hollers to his wife standing on the other side something like, "Helicopter now!" The bridge feels unsafe, insecure, not good for him and he wants immediate rescue back to solid ground. He even contemplates retreating back the way he came from, back into the woods.

I relate because I feel like I'm in transition in my life, have been for a while, and I want security. I want the helicopter to rescue me from uncertainty and having to try new paths. I want solid stuff to stand on. I want to be able to count on getting what I need when I need it. And I want important people in my life to stay, not disappear for various reasons.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
I think it might be human nature to long for stability and constancy, but it doesn't seem like we get it much, at least not right now. The whole world is in gigantic transition, and we can't get back to the Disneyland we thought we lived in. There is no president or king or queen or CEO who takes care of us all and makes sure the world is safe and secure, a place where we can live our lives in peace and harmony and prosperity. There are no sure things. There is no template for success because things are changing so quickly. There is no longer the promise of a job for life with a pension at retirement. There is no longer the promise of owning a home that grows in value. Change has always been the way of things but the speed of change has accelerated to a rate that it feels like I'm living one long transition.

Transition is apparent in my work as a writer, too. It's harder for a freelance writer to find work that pays well. In the great recession, freelance budgets were cut and in many cases eliminated. And for romance novel writers, the world of publishing has been in flux for a while. Whether we survive and prosper or not might depend on how we manage transition.

Getting from Here to There
It amazes me that creating the life I want, my new world, can plunge me into discomfort. Surprise! Change prompts transition. Personally I don't find it very comfortable to try to navigate transitions. It sounds exciting, "I'm in a process of transitioning from the old to the new. I welcome the new." However, change doesn't necessarily happen the way I expect and it doesn't necessarily occur rapidly and effortlessly. It doesn't feel good to be in the in-between. It can feel like nowhere with nothing to stand on. The confusion can engender different survival tactics. Nancy K. Schlossberg, Ed.D writes in Psychology Today about the ability for transitions to move us to take action, any kind of action, to relieve the anxiety.

"Transitions waiting to happen include uncertainty, ambiguity, and loss of control. The future is always uncertain and ambiguous and according to Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling On Happiness, we are poor predictors of the future. In addition, we imagine different scenarios but cannot control all the variables."

In the midst of a changing landscape, we can see various survival tactics employed among authors. Some are venturing out with gusto to try new things and trusting the ground will be there when they need it. They may be brave and confident as well as in denial of their true feelings of fear and loss—but as long as they don't look down "Everything is fine." Others may batten down the hatches and try to insist that the best way to weather change is to follow familiar paths and hope for the best. This is a terribly simplified description of ways to deal with transition, but I relate to both. I don’t want to look down—feel the fear of the unknown and contemplate failure—when I'm trying new things and I want to follow the same path, because typically familiar, though maybe ineffective, is comfortable.

Getting Real
In her article Schlossberg writes that transitions can feel like life is on hold, and she lists typical ways people cope during transitions, like during illness and when losing old friends. Her list of coping strategies includes rehearsing for the future, going to Plan-B and acknowledging the transition.

"Living a life on hold is not easy. There are no end points in sight, yet it is a transition that many men and women face."

I think being aware of what I'm feeling is one way to weather transition, but it's not easy. In our culture we've been taught if you're not happy it's time to get out of Dodge or go to Disneyland (whatever that may mean in the moment—eat a cookie, change jobs, leave old friends). I'm not picking on Disneyland. It's a metaphor for avoiding what's real and maybe scary and painful, escaping the crappy present moment we're going through. But sometimes we need to consider waiting, pausing, sitting with what is and not judging. Letting other writers do what they need to do to weather their changes and be there for them in the way we can. Take care of our health, get out in nature, sit with the dog or cat and chill. Transition is going to happen, so being aware of its nature and what we're going through can relieve the pressure of trying to control things we can't. Then we might be better able to make transition.

OK, now I sound like Obi-Wan Kenobi. But it's what I believe I've learned as I've been in transition in many ways. Transitions offer possibilities and at the same time can feel like crap for a while. Acknowledge them and be open.

Or as Obi-Wan would say, and did in Star Wars: Rest easy, son. You've had a busy day. You're fortunate to be all in one piece.

Image Bridge into the Mountains from Dreamstime